Free Jokes

A Frenchman once remarked: "The table is the only place where one is not bored for the first hour." Every rose has its thorn There's fuzz on all the peaches. There never was a dinn...

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

What animal keeps the best time?

There are three kinds of liars: 1. The man whom others can't believe. He is harmless. Let him alone. 2. The man who can't believe others. He has probably made a careful study of hu...

I'm sometimes white, Although sometimes I'm black. I take you there, But never bring you back. What am I?

I come in different shapes and sizes. Part of me are curves, others are straight. You can put me anywhere you like, but there is only one right place for me. What am I?

There was an old fellow named Green, Who grew so abnormally lean, And flat, and compressed, That his back touched his chest, And sideways he couldn't be seen. There was a young lad...

I'm a word that's hardly there. Take away my start, and I'm an herbal flair. What am I?

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensi...

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One mo...

The cross-eyed man at the ball bowed with courtly grace, and said: "May I have the pleasure of this dance?" Two wallflowers answered as with one voice: "With pleasure."

IT has been said that a lady once asked Lord B--g--m who was the best debater in the House of Lords. His lordship modestly replied, Lord Stanley is the second, madam.

IT was an observation of Elwes, the noted miser, that if you keep one servant your work will be done; if you keep two, it will be half done; and if you keep three, you will have to...

AT the time when Sir Richard Steele was preparing his great room in York Buildings for public orations, he was behindhand in his payments to the workmen; and coming one day among t...

'TIS said that walls have ears; if this be true, St Stephen's walls the gift must often rue.

A SERVANT of an old maiden lady, a patient of Dr. Poole, formerly of Edinburgh, was under orders to go to the doctor every morning to report the state of her health, how she had sl...

DO you know what made my voice so melodious? said a celebrated vocal performer, of awkward manners, to Charles Bannister. No, replied the other. Why, then, I'll tell you: when I wa...

The father of the celebrated Sheridan was one day descanting on the pedigree of his family, regretting that they were no longer styled O'Sheridan, as they were formerly. "Indeed, f...

Lord Kellie was amusing the company with an account of a sermon he had heard in Italy, in which the preacher related the miracle of St. Anthony preaching to the fishes, who, in ord...

A GLASGOW professor met a poor student passing along one of the courts, and remarked to him that his gown was very short. It will be long enough before I get another, answered the...