A WELL-FED rector was advising a poor starving laborer to trust to Providence, and be satisfied with his lot. Ah! replied the needy man, I should be satisfied with his lot if I had...
WHEN General V---- was quartered in a small town in Ireland, he and his lady were regularly besieged as they got into their carriage by an old beggar-woman, who kept her post at th...
AT a tavern one night, Messrs. More, Strange, and Wright Met to drink, and good thoughts to exchange: Says More, Of us three, The whole town will agree, There is only one knave, an...
JERROLD was at a party when the Park guns announced the birth of a prince. How they do powder these babies! Jerrold exclaimed.
JERROLD hated the cant of philanthropy, and writhed whenever he was called a philanthropist in print. On one occasion, when he found himself so described, he exclaimed, Zounds, it...
A FRIEND of an artist was endeavoring to persuade him not to bestow so much time upon his works. You do not know, then, said he, that I have a master very difficult to please?--Who...
A PERSON who had often teased another ineffectually for subscriptions to charitable undertakings, was one day telling him that he had just seen his picture. And did you ask it for...
OLD Dick Baldwin stoutly maintained that no man ever died of drinking. Some puny things, he said, have died of learning to drink, but no man ever died of drinking. Mr. Baldwin was...
CURRAN, conversing with Sir Thomas Turton, happened to remark that he could never speak in public for a quarter of an hour without moistening his lips; to which Sir Thomas replied...
GEORGE the First was always reckoned Vile,--but viler, George the Second; And what mortal ever heard Any good of George the Third? When from earth the Fourth descended, God be prai...
A GENTLEMAN once appeared in the Court of King's Bench to give bail in the sum of 3,000l. Serjeant Davy, wanting to display his wit, said to him, sternly, And pray, sir, how do you...
A CONCEITED packman called at a farm-house in the west of Scotland, in order to dispose of some of his wares. The goodwife was startled by his southern accent, and his high talk ab...
WHEN Foote was one day lamenting his growing old, a pert young fellow asked him what he would give to be as young as he. I would be content, cried Foote, to be as foolish. Jerrold...
WHEN Captain Grose, who was very fat, first went over to Ireland, he one evening strolled into the principal meat market of Dublin, where the butchers, as usual, set up their usual...
AH! said a conceited young parson, I have this afternoon been preaching to a congregation of asses.--Then that was the reason why you always called them beloved brethren, replied a...
WELL, neighbor, what's the news this morning? said a gentleman to a friend. I have just bought a sack of flour for a poor woman.--Just like you! Whom have you made so happy by your...
THE ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now, if I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for
A FACETIOUS old gentleman, who thought his two sons consumed too much time in hunting and shooting, styled them Nimrod and Ramrod.
A VERY prosy gentleman, who was in the habit of waylaying Jerrold, met his victim, and, planting himself in the way, said, Well, Jerrold, what is going on to-day? Jerrold said, dar...
A GENTLEMAN at Limehouse observed the laborers at work in a tier of colliers, and wanting to learn the price of coals, hailed one of the men with, Well, Paddy, how are coals?--Blac...
WHEN Mr. Gulley, the ex-pugilist, was elected Member for Pontefract, Gilbert A'Beckett said: Should any opposition be manifested in the House of Commons towards Mr. Gulley, it is v...
A GENTLEMAN once bought a horse of a country-dealer. The bargain concluded, and the money paid, the gentleman said, Now, my friend, I have bought your horse, what are his faults?--...
THE late Duke of Grafton, when hunting, was thrown into a ditch; at the same time a young curate, calling out Lie still, your Grace; leaped over him, and pursued his sport. On bein...
A RIGHT reverend prelate, himself a man of extreme good-nature, was frequently much vexed in the spirit by the proud, froward, perverse, and untractable temper of his next vicar. T...
AS a man who, deeply involved in debt, was walking in the street with a very melancholy air, one of his acquaintance asked him why he was so sorrowful. Alas! said he, I am in a sta...
A PERSON was complimenting Mrs. ---- on her acting a certain female character so well. To do justice to that character, replied the lady, modestly, one should be young and handsome...
CHARLES THE SECOND once said to Sidney, Look me out a man that can't be corrupted: I have sent three treasurers to the North, and they have all turned thieves.--Well, sire, I will...
FOUND dead, a rat--no case could sure be harder; Verdict--Confined a week in Eldon's larder. Died, Sir Charles Wetherall's laundress, honest Sue; Verdict--Ennui--so little work to...
THE house of Mr. Dundas, late President of the Court of Session in Scotland, having after his death been converted into a blacksmith's shop, a gentleman wrote upon its door the fol...
DO come and dine with me, said John to Pat: you must; though I have only a nice piece of beef and some potatoes for you.--O my dear fellow! don't make the laist apology about the d...