The slow suitor asked: "Elizabeth, would you like to have a puppy?" "Oh, Edward," the girl gushed, "how delightfully humble of you. Yes, dearest, I accept."
The best man noticed that one of the wedding guests, a gloomy-looking young man, did not seem to be enjoying himself. He was wandering about as though he had lost his last friend....
The day laborer was of a cheerful disposition that naturally inclined to seek out the good in every situation. He was a genuine optimist. Thus, after tramping the three miles from...
"When the Devil was sick, the Devil a monk would be: When the Devil was well, the devil a monk was he."
The good wife apologized to her unexpected guests for serving the apple pie without cheese. The little boy of the family slipped quietly away from the table for a moment, and retur...
The office telephone was out of order. An employee of the company was sent to make repairs. After a period of labor, he suggested to the gentleman occupying the office the calling...
On the way to the baptism, the baby somehow loosened the stopper of his bottle, with the result that the milk made a frightful mess over the christening robe. The mother was greatl...
The teacher explained to her young pupils some facts concerning various organs of the body, including the eye as the organ of sight, the ear as the organ of hearing, and the like....
A woman visitor to the city entered a taxicab. No sooner was the door closed than the car leaped forward violently, and afterward went racing wildly along the street, narrowly miss...
The small boy was directed to soak his feet in salt water to toughen them. He considered the matter thoughtfully, and then remarked to himself: "It's pretty near time for me to ket...
An eminent doctor successfully attended a sick child. A few days later, the grateful mother called on the physician. After expressing her realization of the fact that his services...
_George:_ "Why don't Jack and Laura make up?" _Kate:_ "'Sh! They'd like to, but unfortunately they can't remember what they quarreled about." * * *
The little boy was clad in an immaculate white suit for the lawn party, and his mother cautioned him strictly against soiling it. He was scrupulous in his obedience, but at last he...
"What a lot of suffering these ambulance surgeons must witness." "Yes, indeed! Almost every time they go out they run over some one." * * * "He's a nice little horse (I saw him mys...
The noted story-teller at a dinner party related an anecdote, and was at first gratified by the hearty laughter of an old lady among the guests, and later a little suspicious, as h...
A traveler in the South chatted with an aged negro, whom he met in the road. "And I suppose you were once a slave?" he remarked. "Yes, suh," the old colored man answered. "And, so,...
Little Willie came home in a sad state. He had a black eye and numerous scratches and contusions, and his clothes were a sight. His mother was horrified at the spectacle presented...
The boy who had "made good" in town asked his old mother to come to London. He gave the old lady the best room in the hotel--one with a private bath adjoining. The next morning the...
What true friendship consists in depends on the temperament of the man who has a friend. It is related that at the funeral of Mr. Scroggs, who died extremely poor, the usually cold...
The wives of the savage chief questioned the wife of the missionary: "And you never let your husband beat you?" "Certainly not," the Christian lady replied. "Why, he wouldn't dare...
One Japanese bragged to another that he made a fan last twenty years by opening only a fourth section, and using this for five years, then the next section, and so on. The other Ja...
"Rather absent-minded, isn't he?" "Extremely so. Why, the other night when he got home he knew there was something he wanted to do, but he couldn't remember what it was until he ha...
The aged colored clergyman, who made up in enthusiasm what he lacked in education, preached a sermon on the verse of the Psalm, "Awake, Psaltery and Harp! I myself will awake right...
The father was telling at the table of a row between two men in which he had interfered. One had swung a shovel aloft, shouting, "I'll knock your brains out!" "It was at this momen...
A British journalist, in an article on Sir Henry Irving for a London weekly wrote: "I was his guest regularly at all Lyceum first nights for a whole quarter of a century.... He del...
A tramp devised a new scheme for working on the sympathy of the housewife. After ringing the front door bell, he got on his knees, and began nibbling at the grass of the lawn. Pres...
A lawyer made his way to the edge of the excavation where a gang was working, and called the name of Timothy O'Toole. "Who's wantin' me?" inquired a heavy voice. "Mr. O'Toole," the...
The foreman of a Southern mill, who was much troubled by the shiftlessness of his colored workers, called sharply to two of the men slouching past him. "Hi, you! where are you goin...
The foreigner, who prided himself on his mastery of colloquial expressions in English, was speaking of the serious illness of a distinguished statesman. "It would be a great pity,"...
"And did you say you preferred charges against this man?" asked the Judge, looking over his gold-rimmed spectacles. "No, Your Honour," was the quick reply of the man to whom money...