In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome monument with an inscription which runs thus: "This monument is erected to the memory of James O'Flinn, who was accidentally shot by his brot...
During the worst of the spy-scare period in London a man was brought into the police station, who declared indignantly that he was a well-known American citizen. But his captor den...
The group of dwellers at the seaside was discussing the subject of dreams and their significance. During a pause, one of the party turned to a little girl who had sat listening int...
"You know you should love your neighbor as yourself." "But the trouble is, when I try to do that, I always end by hating myself." * * * _Pupil:_ "What I want to know is, am I a bas...
"I really believe he married her only because he wanted a good housekeeper." "And now I suppose he wishes he could give her a month's warning." * * *
The raw recruit was on sentry duty. He had a piece of pie, which he had brought from the canteen, and proceeded to enjoy it. Just then, the colonel happened along, and scowled at t...
Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. * * * The mild little husband was appealing to the court for protection from the large, bony belligerent and baleful female who was hi...
The darky's clothes were in the last stages of dilapidation, and he wore open work shoes, but his face was radiant, and he whistled merrily as he slouched along the street. A house...
In these days of difficulty in securing domestic servants, mistresses will accept almost any sort of help, but there are limits. A woman interrogated a husky girl in an employment...
_Julia:_ "Fanny married a very wealthy man, you know. She tells me she has absolutely nothing to wish for." _Gertrude:_ "Oh, Julia! What a dreadful state to be in." * * *
The schoolboy, after profound thought, wrote this definition of the word "spine," at his teacher's request. "A spine is a long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set o...
An elderly man was on his way home by train from a session of three days at a convention of his political party. (This was antedating the era of prohibition.) The man's personal pr...
The old sea captain was surrounded at the tea party, to which his wife had dragged him, much against his will, by a group of women pestering him for a story from his adventures. Fi...
There was a town jail, and there was a county jail. The fact was worth forty dollars to the lawyer who was approached by an old darky in behalf of a son languishing in duress. The...
The motor car was driven by a determined young woman, who had knocked down a man without injuring him much. She did not try to get away. Instead, she stopped the car, descended to...
A wealthy gentleman has a brother who is hard of hearing, while he himself is remarkable for having a very prominent nose. Once, this gentleman dined at a friend's house, where he...
It is told of Prince Herbert Bismarck that at a reception in the Royal Palace in Berlin he rudely jostled a high dignitary of the Italian church. In answer to the prelate's express...
The Southern planter heard a commotion in his poultry house late at night. With shot gun in hand, he made his way to the door, flung it open and curtly ordered: "Come out of there,...
Sandy had been photographed, and as he was looking intently at his "picter" Ian MacPherson came along. "What's that ye hev there?" he asked. "My photygraph," replied Sandy, showing...
One of the ladies assembled at the club was describing the wedding she had just attended: "And then, just as Frank and the widow started up the aisle to the altar, every light in t...
The tragedian had just signed a contract to tour South Africa. He told a friend of it at the club. The friend shook his head dismally. "The ostrich," he explained in a pitying tone...
His companion bent over the dying man, to catch the last faintly whispered words. The utterance came with pitiful feebleness, yet with sufficient clearness: "I am dying--yes. Go to...
The young wife greeted her husband tearfully on his return from the day's work. "Oh, Willie, darling," she gasped, "I have been so insulted!" "Insulted!" Willie exclaimed wrathfull...
The breakfaster in the cheap restaurant tried to make conversation with the man beside him at the counter. "Awful rainy spell--like the flood." "The flood?" The tone was polite, bu...
The child came to his mother in tears. "Oh, mama," he confessed, "I broke a tile in the hearth." "Never mind, dear," the mother consoled. "But how ever did you come to do it?" "I w...
_Proprietor:_ "What made that customer walk out? Did you offend him?" _Assistant:_ "I don't know. He said he wanted a hat to suit his head and I showed him a soft hat." * * *
When the bishop was entertained at an English country house, the butler coached carefully the new boy who was to carry up the jug of hot water for shaving in the morning. "When you...
At the village store, the young farmer complained bitterly. "Old Si Durfee wants me to be one of the pall-bearers once more at his wife's funeral. An' it's like this. Si had me fer...
A Tennessee farmer went to town and bought a gallon jug of whiskey. He left it in the grocery store, and tagged it with a five of hearts from the deck in his pocket, on which he wr...
The small boy sat at the foot of a telegraph pole, with a tin can in his hands. The curious old gentleman gazed first at the lad and then at the can, much perplexed. "Caterpillars!...