_She:_ "I'm surprised at Jane's staying out in the boat all this time with a comparative stranger. A woman of thirty is old enough to know better." _He:_ "Aren't you afraid she is...
It is related concerning a sofa, belonging to a man blessed (?) with seven daughters, all unmarried, which was sent to the upholsterer to be repaired, that, when taken apart, the f...
_Lily:_ "Harold proposed to me last night while turning the music for me at the piano." _Edith:_ "Ah, I see, dear; you played right into his hands!" * * *
The prize bull-dog attacked a farmer, who defended himself with a pitchfork, and in doing so killed the dog. The owner was greatly distressed, and reproached the farmer. "Why didn'...
"Bobby," said the lady in the tramcar, severely, "why don't you get up and give your seat to your father? Doesn't it pain you to see him reaching for the strap?" "Not in a car," sa...
The sister spoke admiringly to the collegian who was calling on her after field day, at which she had been present. "And how they did applaud when you broke that record!" Her littl...
The longshoreman was indulging in a fit of temper, which he interpreted in a burst of language that shocked the lady passing by. She regarded him reprovingly, as she demanded: "My...
The colored man was before the court, accused of horse-stealing. The prosecuting attorney read the indictment sternly, and then asked: "Are you guilty, or not guilty?" The prisoner...
"Well! we've missed that confounded train. What time will the next one be here?" "If the engine doesn't break down, and the track doesn't spread, and they don't run into any cows,...
_Elsie:_ "Mummy! if I wuz a fairy I'd change every-fing into cake, an' eat it all up." _Mother:_ "I'm afraid such a lot of cake would make you sick." _Elsie:_ "Oh! but I'd change m...
It's a wise child that goes out of the room to laugh when the old man mashes his thumb.
A patient complained to the doctor that his hair was coming out. "Won't you give me something to keep it in?" he begged. "Take this," the doctor said kindly, and he handed the pati...
_She:_ "I'm so glad we're engaged." _He:_ "But you knew all the time that I loved you, didn't you?" _She:_ "Yes, dear, I knew it, but you didn't." * * *
A cynic, considering the fact that women was the last thing made by God, asserts that the product shows both His experience and His fatigue. * * * The following extract is from the...
The MacTavish was not a mean man. No; he just knew the value of money. So, when the MacTavish developed a sore throat he meditated fearfully upon the expenditure of a doctor's fee....
In the smoking-room of a theatre, between the acts, an amiable young man addressed an elderly gentleman who was seated beside him: "The show is very good, don't you think?" The old...
The tenderfoot in the mining town was watching a poker game for heavy stakes, when he saw the dealer give himself four aces from the bottom of the deck. He whispered the fact in sh...
The cook, Nora, had announced her engagement to a frequenter at the kitchen, named Mike. But a year passed and nothing was heard of the nuptials. So, one day, the mistress inquired...
_Shopper:_--"Are these eggs fresh?" _Apprentice:_--"Yes, ma'am, they be." _Shopper:_--"How long since they were laid?" _Apprentice:_--"'Tain't ten minutes, ma'am--I know, I laid th...
A woman who had visited every department of one of the big London shops and worried the majority of the salesmen without spending a penny, so exasperated one of them that he ventur...
_He:_ "There is nothing like experience after all. She is our greatest teacher." _She:_ "And there is no holding back her salary, either." * * * "And are you a good needlewoman and...
Clarence, aged eight, was a member of the Band of Mercy, of his Sunday School, which was a miniature society for the prevention of cruelty to animals. The badge was a small star, a...
_The Man of Theory:_ "The great secret of happiness lies in being content with one's lot." _The Man of Practice:_ "But it has to be a whole lot." * * *
The tramp was sitting with his back to a hedge by the wayside, munching at some scraps wrapped in a newspaper. A lady, out walking with her pet Pomeranian, strolled past. The littl...
The cultured maid servant announced to her mistress, wife of the profiteer: "If you please, ma'am, there's a mendicant at the door." The mistress sniffed contemptuously: "Tell 'im...
The burly man spoke lucidly to his gangling adversary: "You're a nincompoop, a liar and hoss-thief." The other man protested, with a whine in his voice: "Sech talk ain't nice--and,...
_The Mistress:_ "Oh, Jane, if I had known who sent those flowers I would have returned them unopened." _The Maid:_ "Shure, Miss, couldn't ye take a few out, and sind the rist back...
The little girl in the car was a pest. She crossed the aisle to devote herself to a dignified fat man, to his great annoyance. She asked innumerable questions, and, incidentally, c...
The ice on the river was in perfect condition. A small boy, with his skates on his arm, knocked at the door of the Civil War veteran, who had lost a leg at Antietam. When the door...
The baby pulled brother's hair until he yelled from the pain of it. The mother soothed the weeping boy: "Of course, she doesn't know how badly it hurts." Then she left the room. Sh...