A YOUNG man who, on a public occasion, makes a false quantity at the outset of life, can seldom or never get over it.
WHEN Jefferies was told that the Prince of Orange would very soon land, and that a manifesto, stating his inducements, objects, &c., was already written, Pray, my Lord Chief Justic...
AT Plymouth there is, or was, a small green opposite the Government House, over which no one was permitted to pass. Not a creature was allowed to approach, save the General's cow....
IN marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
WHEN Patrick Henry, who gave the first impulse to the ball of the American Revolution, introduced his celebrated resolution on the Stamp Act into the House of Burgesses of Virginia...
A CERTAIN Scotchman, who is not a member of any temperance society, being asked by a dealer to purchase some fine old Jamaica, dryly answered, To tell you the truth, Mr. ----, I ca...
VERY dry and pithy too was a legal opinion given to a claimant of the Annandale peerage, who, when pressing the employment of some obvious forgeries, was warned, that if he perseve...
A WAG, reading in one of Brigham Young's manifestoes, that the great resources of Utah are her women, exclaimed, It is very evident that the prophet is disposed to husband his reso...
PROVISIONS have a greater influence on the valor of troops than is generally supposed; and there is great truth in the remark of an English physician, who said, that with a six wee...
A GOOD story of Gibbon is told in the last volume of Moore's Memoirs. The dramatis personae were Lady Elizabeth Foster, Gibbon the historian, and an eminent French physician,--the...
A PAINTER, who was well acquainted with the dire effects of law, had to represent two men,--one who had gained a law-suit, and another who had lost one. He painted the former with...
AN undergraduate had unconsciously strayed into the garden of a certain D.D., then master of the college adjoining. He had not been there many minutes, when Dr. ---- entered himsel...
MR. JAMES BOSWELL, the friend and biographer of Dr. Johnson, when a youth, went to the pit of Covent Garden Theatre in company with Dr. Blair, and, in a frolic, imitated the lowing...
A GLORIOUS bull is related, in the life of Dr. Sims, of a countryman of his, an Irishman, for whom he had prescribed an emetic, who said with great naivete: My dear doctor, it is o...
SHE is insupportable, said a wit with marked emphasis, of one well known; but, as if he had gone too far, he added, It is her only defect.
A COCKNEY being out one day amusing himself with shooting, happened to fire through a hedge, on the other side of which was a man standing. The shot passed through the man's hat, b...
THERE is a celebrated reply of Mr. Curran to a remark of Lord Clare, who curtly exclaimed at one of his legal positions, O! if that be law, Mr. Curran, I may burn my law-books!--Be...
A PERSON calling one day on a gentleman at the west end of the town, where his visits were more frequent than welcome, was told by the servant that her master had gone out. O, well...
KING JAMES had two comedies acted before him, the one at Cambridge, the other at Oxford; that at Cambridge was called Ignoramus, an ingenious thing, wherein one Mr. Sleep was a pri...
FRANKLIN was once asked, What is the use of your discovery of atmospheric electricity? The philosopher answered the question by another, What is the use of a new-born infant?
HORNE TOOKE, during his contest for Westminster, was thus addressed by a partisan of his opponent, of not a very reputable character. Well, Mr. Tooke, you will have all the blackgu...
WHEN Mr. Charles Yorke was returned a member for the University of Cambridge, about the year 1770, he went round the Senate to thank those who had voted for him. Among the number w...
AT no time of life should a man give up the thoughts of enjoying the society of women. In youth, says Lord Bacon, women are our mistresses, at a riper age our companions, in old ag...
A TRAVELLER coming up to an inn door, said: Pray, friend, are you the master of this house?--Yes, sir, answered Boniface, my wife has been dead these three weeks.
JEMMY GORDON, the Cambridge eccentric, when he happened to be without shoes or stockings, one day came in contact with a person of very indifferent character. The gentleman, pityin...
WHEN George the Fourth went to Ireland, one of the pisintry said to the toll-keeper as the king passed through, Och, now! an' his majesty never paid the turnpike, an' how's that?--...
HAPPINESS grows at our own firesides, and is not to be picked in strangers' gardens.
A CHIMNEY-SWEEPER'S boy went into a baker's shop for a twopenny loaf, and conceiving it to be diminutive in size, remarked to the baker that he did not believe it was weight. Never...
A MAN in a passion spoke many scurrilous words; a friend being by, said, You speak foolishly. He answered, It is that you may understand me.
I LIVE in Julia's eyes, said an affected dandy in Colman's hearing. I don't wonder at it, replied George; since I observed she had a sty in them when I saw her last.