SIR GEORGE BEAUMONT once met Quin at a small dinner-party. There was a delicious pudding, which the master of the house, pushing the dish towards Quin, begged him to taste. A gentl...
SIR JAMES MACKINTOSH invited Dr. Parr to take a drive in his gig. The horse became restive. Gently, Jemmy, says the doctor, don't irritate him; always soothe your horse, Jemmy. You...
BURKE'S was a complete failure, when he flung the dagger on the floor of the House of Commons, and produced nothing but a smothered laugh, and a
LISTON, seeing a parcel lying on the table in the entrance-hall of Drury Lane Theatre, one side of which, from its having travelled to town by the side of some game, was smeared wi...
LORD ORFORD was present in a large company at dinner, when Bruce, the celebrated traveller, was talking in his usual style of exaggeration. Some one asked him what musical instrume...
IT was told of Jekyll, that one of his friends, a brewer, had been drowned in his own vat. Ah! he exclaimed, floating in his own watery bier.
SOME person remarked to him that apothecaries bore the same relation to physicians that attorneys do to barristers. So they do, said Sterne; but apothecaries and attorneys are not...
TWO travellers were robbed in a wood, and tied to trees. One of them in despair exclaimed, O, I am undone!--Are you? said the other joyfully; then I wish you'd come and undo me.
A YOUNG man, boasting of his health and constitutional stamina, was asked to what he chiefly attributed so great a happiness. To laying in a good foundation, to be sure. I make a p...
SIR RICHARD JEBB being called to see a patient who fancied himself very ill, told him ingenuously what he thought, and declined prescribing for him. Now you are here, said the pati...
A YOUNG spendthrift being apprised that he had given a shilling when sixpence would have been enough, remarked that He knew no difference between a shilling and sixpence.--But you...
A COACHMAN, extolling the sagacity of one of his horses, observed, that if anybody was to go for to use him ill, he would bear malice like a Christian.
AT a dinner-party Archbishop Whately called out suddenly to the host, Mr. ----! There was silence. Mr. ----, what is the proper female companion of this John Dory? After the usual...
A CERTAIN Judge having somewhat hastily delivered judgment in a particular case, a King's Counsel observed, in a tone loud enough to reach the bench, Good heavens! every judgment o...
WILLIAM IV. seemed in a momentary dilemma one day, when, at table with several officers, he ordered one of the waiters to take away that marine there, pointing to an empty bottle....
SHERIDAN made his appearance one day in a pair of new boots; these attracting the notice of some of his friends, Now guess, said he, how I came by these boots? Many probable guesse...
BISHOP WARBURTON, going to Cirencester to confirm, he was supplied at the altar with an elbow-chair and a cushion, which he did not much like, and calling to the churchwarden said,...
A MAN of sagacity, being informed of a serious quarrel between two of his female relations, asked the persons if in their quarrels either had called the other ugly? On receiving an...
IN the time of Sir John Macpherson's Indian government, most of his staff consisted of Scotch gentlemen, whose names began with Mac. One of the aides-de-camp used to call the gover...
WHEN Lord Eldon resigned the Great Seal, a small barrister said, To me his loss is irreparable. Lord Eldon always behaved to me like a father.--Yes, remarked Brougham, I understand...
AN opulent farmer applied to an attorney about a lawsuit, but was told he could not undertake it, being already engaged on the other side; at the same time he gave him a letter of...
PORSON one day sent his gyp with a note to a certain Cantab, requesting him to find the value of nothing. Next day he met his friend walking, and stopping him, desired to know, Whe...
THERE is so much genuine humor in the following jocular DINNER CODE, that we cannot do better than close our little volume with it.
THE following lines were written on seeing a farrago of rhymes that had been scribbled with a diamond on the window of an inn:-- Ye who on windows thus prolong your shames, And to...
STRANGE is it, proud Pontefract's borough should sully Its fame by returning to parliament Gully. The etymological cause, I suppose, is His breaking the bridges of so many noses.
UNDER the improved system of agriculture and of draining, great preparations had been made for securing a good crop in a certain field, where Lord Fife, his factor, and others inte...
A RICH man sent to call a physician for a slight disorder. The physician felt his pulse, and said, Do you eat well?--Yes, said the patient. Do you sleep well?--I do.--Then, said th...
A MEMBER of one of the dramatic funds was complaining of being obliged to retire from the stage with an income of only one hundred and fifty pounds a year, upon which an old office...
A LAD applied to the captain of a vessel for a berth; the captain, wishing to intimidate him, handed him a piece of rope, and said, If you want to make a good sailor, you must make...
A GENTLEMAN describing a person who often visited him for the sole purpose of having a long gossip, called him Mr. Jones the stay-maker.