ANGER may sometimes make dull men witty, but it keeps them poor. Queen Elizabeth seeing a disappointed courtier walking with a melancholy face in one of her gardens, asked him, Wha...
SHIELD, while the supplicating poor Ask thee for meat with piteous moans; More humble I approach thy door, And beg for nothing but thy bones.
(On the immortality of ----'s speeches.) THY speeches are immortal, O my friend, For he that hears them--hears them to no end.
THE advice given by an Irishman to his English friend, on introducing him to a regular Tipperary row, was, Wherever you see a head, hit it.
A CERTAIN Chief Justice, on hearing an ass bray, interrupted the late Mr. Curran, in his speech to the jury, by saying, One at a time, Mr. Curran, if you please. The speech being f...
THE following bill of fare (which consists of a dish of fish, a joint of meat, a couple of fowls, vegetables, and a pudding, being in all seven dishes for sevenpence!) had its rise...
A DRAMATIC author once observed that he knew nothing so terrible as reading his piece before a critical audience. I know but one more terrible, said Compton, the actor, to be oblig...
WHEN the British ships under Lord Nelson were bearing down to attack the combined fleet off Trafalgar, the first lieutenant of the Revenge, on going round to see that all hands wer...
POPE, when he first saw Garrick act, observed, I am afraid that the young man will be spoiled, for he will have no competitor!
SERJEANT WHITAKER, one of the most eminent lawyers of his day, was an eccentric. A friend, at one of the assize towns, offered him a bed, and the next morning asked him if he had f...
A MAN with a scolding wife, being asked what his occupation was, replied that he kept a hot-house.
BY a friend of Sir Turncoat 'twas lately averr'd, The electors would find him as good as his word! As good as his word, did you say, gracious me! What a terrible scamp little Turnc...
A BAKER has invented a new kind of yeast. It makes bread so light that a pound of it weighs only twelve ounces.
DURING the assizes, in a case of assault and battery, where a stone had been thrown by the defendant, the following clear and conclusive evidence was drawn out of a Yorkshireman:--...
WHY don't you take off your hat? said Lord F---- to a boy struggling with a calf. So I wull, sir, replied the lad; if your lordship will hold my calf, I'll pull off my hat.
AS for me, as soon as I hear that the last farthing is paid to the last creditor, I will appear on my knees at the bar of the Pennsylvanian Senate in the plumeopicean robe of Ameri...
TWO gentlemen were lately examining the breast of a plough on a stall in a market-place. I'll bet you a crown, said one, you don't know what it's for.--Done, said the other. It is...
A FELLOW boasting in company of his family, declared even his own father died in an exalted situation. Some of the company looking incredulous, another observed, I can bear testimo...
(On the sincerity of a certain prelate.) ---- ----'S discourses from his heart Proceed, as everybody owns; And thus they prove the poet's art, Who says that sermons are in stones.
A SAILOR was asked, Where did your father die?--In a storm, answered the sailor. And your grandfather?--He was drowned.--And your great-grandfather?--He perished at sea.--How, then...
A DENIZEN of the good city of St. Andrews, long desirous of being elected deacon of his craft, after many years of scheming and bowing, at last attained the acme of his ambition, a...
WHEN Lord Holland was on his death-bed, his friend George Selwyn called to inquire how his Lordship was, and left his card. This was taken to Lord Holland, who said: If Mr. Selwyn...
A GIRL forced by her parents into a disagreeable match with an old man, whom she detested, when the clergyman came to that part of the service where the bride is asked if she conse...
A KEEN sportsman, who kept harriers, was so vexed when any noise was made while the hounds were at fault, that he rode up to a gentleman who accidentally coughed at such a time, an...
IT is asserted that the bad Ministers have contracted the National Debt. This cannot be; for instead of contracting it at all, bad Ministers have most materially extended it.
COLONEL B---- was remarkably fat, and coming one night out of the playhouse, called a chair; but while he was preparing to squeeze into it, a friend, who was stepping into his char...
THE attachment of some ladies to their lap-dogs amounts, in some instances, to infatuation. An ill-tempered lap-dog biting a piece out of a male visitor's leg, his mistress thus ex...
A PUD IN is almi de si re, Mimis tres Ine ver require, Alo veri find it a gestis, His miseri ne ver at restis.
WHEN Mr. Sheridan pleaded in court his own cause, and that of the Drury Lane Theatre, an Irish laborer, known amongst the actors by the name of Billy Brown, was called upon to give...
(On a little member's versatility.) WHY little Neddy ---- yearns To rat, there is a reason strong, He needs be everything by turns, Who is by nature nothing long.