A Good Jail Delivery

BROTHER DAVID DEWAR was a plain, honest, straightforward man, who never hesitated to express his convictions, however unpalatable they might be to others. Being elected a member of...

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Mistaken Identity

A PHYSICIAN attending a lady several times, had received a couple of guineas each visit; at last, when he was going away, she gave him but one; at which he was surprised, and looki...

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Tillotson

WHO was then Archbishop of Canterbury, on King William's complaining of the shortness of his sermon, answered, Sire, could I have bestowed more time upon it, it would not have been...

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A Dear Speaker

SOON after the Irish members were admitted into the House of Commons, on the union of the kingdom in 1801, one of them, in the middle of his maiden speech, thus addressed the chair...

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An Odd Notion

A LADY the other day meeting a girl who had lately left her service, inquired, Well, Mary, where do you live now?--Please, ma'am, I don't live nowhere now, rejoined the girl; I am...

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Artificial Heat

THE late Lord Kelly had a very red face. Pray, my lord, said Foote to him, come and look over my garden-wall,--my cucumbers are very backward.

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He Lies Like Truth

A PERSON who had resided for some time on the coast of Africa was asked if he thought it possible to civilize the natives. As a proof of the possibility of it, said he, I have know...

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He Who Sung The Lays Of Ancient Rome

LORD MACAULAY, passing one day through the Seven Dials, bought a handful of ballads from some street-folks who were bawling out their contents to a gaping audience. Proceeding on h...

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Milesian Advice

NEVER be critical upon the ladies, was the maxim of an old Irish peer, remarkable for his homage to the sex; the only way in the world that a true gentleman ever will attempt to lo...

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A Sure Take

AN old sportsman, who, at the age of eighty-three, was met by a friend riding very fast, and was asked what he was in pursuit of? Why, sir, replied the other, I am riding after my...

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Criticising A Statue

SOON after Canning's statue was put up in Palace Yard, in all its verdant freshness, the carbonate of copper not yet blackened by the smoke of London, Mr. Justice Gazelee was walki...

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Female Talkers

IT was customary in some parish churches for the men to be placed on one side, and the women on the other. A clergyman, in the midst of his sermon, found himself interrupted by the...

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Full Proof

LORD PETERBOROUGH was once taken by the mob for the great Duke of Marlborough (who was then in disgrace with them); and being about to be roughly treated, said,--Gentlemen, I can c...

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Knowing His Man

A MAN was brought before Lord Mansfield, charged with stealing a silver ladle, and the counsel for the crown was rather severe upon the prisoner for being an attorney. Come, come,...

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Look In His Face

ADMIRAL LORD HOWE, when a captain, was once hastily awakened in the middle of the night by the lieutenant of the watch, who informed him with great agitation that the ship was on f...

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Modest Merit

A PLAYER applied to the manager of a respectable company for an engagement for himself and his wife, stating that his lady was capable of playing all the first line of business; bu...

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Who's The Fool?

MR. SERGEANT PARRY, in illustration of a case, told the following anecdote:-- Some merchants went to an Eastern sovereign, and exhibited for sale several very fine horses. The king...

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A Forgetful Man

WHEN Jack was poor, the lad was frank and free. Of late he's grown brimful of pride and pelf; No wonder that he don't remember me; Why so? you see he has forgot himself.

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A Clever Dog

AFTER witnessing the first representation of a dog-piece by Reynolds, called the Caravan, Sheridan suddenly came into the green-room, on purpose, it was imagined, to wish the autho...

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A Piece Of Plate

A YOUNG actor having played a part tolerably well, Elliston one evening called him into the green-room, and addressed him to this effect: Young man, you have not only pleased the p...

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Above Proof

AN East-India Governor having died abroad, his body was put in arrack, to preserve it for interment, in England. A sailor on board the ship being frequently drunk, the captain forb...

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Conservative Logic

TAXES are equal is a dogma which I'll prove at once, exclaimed a Tory boor; Taxation hardly presses on the rich, And likewise presses hardly on the poor.

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Cool Retort

HENDERSON, the actor, was seldom known to be in a passion. When at Oxford, he was one day debating with a fellow-student, who, not keeping his temper, threw a glass of wine in the...

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Double Sight

A MAN with one eye laid a wager with another man, that he (the one-eyed person) saw more than the other. The wager was accepted. You have lost, says the first; I can see the two ey...

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A Dogged Answer

BOSWELL, dining one day with Dr. Johnson, asked him if he did not think that a good cook was more essential to the community than a good poet. I don't suppose, said the doctor, tha...

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A Previous Engagement

THE late Lord Dudley and Ward was one of the most absent of men. Meeting Sydney Smith one day in the street, he invited him to meet himself! Dine with me to-day,--dine with me to-d...

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An Old Adage Refuted

A SCHOLAR having fallen into the hands of robbers was fastened to a tree, and left so nearly a whole day, till one came and unloosed him. Now, says he, the old adage must be false,...

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On Mr Milton The Livery Stable-keeper

TWO Miltons, in separate ages were born, The cleverer Milton 'tis clear we have got; Though the other had talents the world to adorn, This lives by his mews, which the other could...

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Quin's Soliloquy On Seeing The Embalmed Body Of Duke

HUMPHREY, AT ST. ALBAN'S. A PLAGUE on Egypt's arts, I say-- Embalm the dead--on senseless clay Rich wine and spices waste: Like sturgeon, or like brawn, shall I, Bound in a preciou...

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Well Turned

ON the formation of the Grenville administration, Bushe, who had the reputation of a waverer, apologized one day for his absence from court, on the ground that he was cabinet-makin...

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