HORNE TOOKE having challenged Wilkes, who was then Sheriff of London and Middlesex, received the following laconic reply: Sir, I do not think it my business to cut the throat of ev...
Do you, said Fanny, t' other day, In earnest love me as you say; Or are those tender words applied Alike to fifty girls beside? Dear, cruel girl, cried I, forbear, For by those eye...
A VERY considerate hotel-keeper, advertising his Burton XXXX, concludes the advertisement: N.B. Parties drinking more than four glasses of this potent beverage at one sitting, care...
AS you do not belong to my parish, said a clergyman to a begging sailor, with a wooden leg, you cannot expect that I should relieve you.--Sir, said the sailor, with a noble air, I...
A YOUNG gentleman, with a bad voice, preached a probation sermon for a very good lectureship in the city. A friend, when he came out of the pulpit, wished him joy, and said, He wou...
A NAMESAKE of Charles Fox having been hung at Tyburn, the latter inquired of George Selwyn whether he had attended the execution? No, was his reply, I make a point of never attendi...
TWO young Irishmen, wishing to live cheaply, and to divide their expenses, agreed the one to board, and the other to lodge.
THE performers rallying Cooke one morning, in the green room, on the awkward cut of a new coat, he apologized, by saying, It was his tailor's fault.--Yes, poor man, said Munden, an...
WE are terribly afraid that some Americans spit upon the floor, even when that floor is covered by good carpets. Now all claims to civilization are suspended till this secretion is...
ON one occasion the Duke's deafness was alluded to by Lady A----, who asked if she was sitting on his right side, and if he had benefited by the operations which she heard had been...
IT may be all very well to say that the office of a tax-gatherer needs no great ability for the fulfilment of its duties, but there is no employment which requires such constant ap...
I CAN'T conceive, said one nobleman to another, how it is that you manage. Though your estate is less than mine, I could not afford to live at the rate you do.--My lord, said the o...
'T IS clear why Twister, wretched rat, Always abuses in his chatter: He's truly such a thorough flat, We can't expect to see him flatter.
LORD ALVANLEY, after his duel with young O'Connell, gave a guinea to the hackney-coachman who had driven him to and from the scene of the encounter. The man, surprised at the large...
SIR, said a barber to an attorney who was passing his door, will you tell me if this is a good half-sovereign? The lawyer, pronouncing the piece good, deposited it in his pocket, a...
MEETING a negro on the road, a traveller said, You have lost some of your friends, I see?--Yes, massa.--Was it a near or a distant relative?--Well, purty distant,--'bout twenty-fou...
I RISE for information, said a member of the legislative body. I am very glad to hear it, said a bystander, for no man wants it more.
WHEN Pennington for female ills indites, Studying alone not what, but how he writes, The ladies, as his graceful form they scan, Cry, with ill-omened rapture,--Killing man!
A GENTLEMAN calling for beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very bad, declined drinking it. What! said the master of the house, don't you like the beer?--It is not to be...
BLOOMFIELD, thy happy-omened name Ensures continuance to thy fame; Both sense and truth this verdict give. While fields shall bloom, thy name shall live!
A STUDENT riding being jeered on the way for wearing but one spur, said that if one side of his horse went on, it was not likely that the other would stay behind. [This is, no doub...
THE death of Mr. Holland, of Drury Lane Theatre, who was the son of a baker at Chiswick, had a very great effect upon the spirits of Foote, who had a very warm friendship for him....
AT a party in Portman Square, Brummell's snuff-box was particularly admired: it was handed round, and a gentleman, finding it rather difficult to open, incautiously applied a desse...
IS my wife out of spirits? said John with a sigh, As her voice of a tempest gave warning. Quite out, sir, indeed, said her maid in reply, For she finished the bottle this morning.
DIGNUM and Moses Kean the mimic were both tailors. Charles Bannister met them under the Piazza in Covent Garden, arm-in-arm. I never see those men together, said he, but they put m...
SAY, why erroneous vent your spite? Your censure, friends, will raise us; If you do wish to damn us quite, Only begin to praise us!
MATHEWS being invited by D'Egville to dine one day with him at Brighton, D'Egville inquired what was Mathews's favorite dish? A roasted leg of pork, with sage and onions. This was...
IN one of our northern counties, a rural district had its harvest operations seriously affected by continuous rains. The crops being much laid, wind was desired in order to restore...
IN a country market a lady, laying her hand upon a joint of veal, said, Mr. Smallbone, I think this veal is not quite so white as usual.--Put on your gloves, madam, replied the but...
THE following complacent Scottish remark upon Bannockburn was made to a splenetic Englishman, who had said to a Scottish countryman that no man of taste would think of remaining an...