A PERSON not far from Torrington, Devon, whose face is somewhat above the ordinary dimensions, has been waited on and shaved by a certain barber every day for twenty-one years, wit...
THAT he's ne'er known to change his mind, Is surely nothing strange; For no one yet could ever find He'd any mind to change.
SYDNEY SMITH was once dining in company with a French gentleman, who had been before dinner indulging in a number of free-thinking speculations, and had ended by avowing himself a...
A TAILOR sent his bill to a lawyer for money; the lawyer bid the boy tell his master that he was not running away, but very busy at that time. The boy comes again, and tells him he...
ROWLAND HILL rode a great deal, and exercise preserved him in vigorous health. On one occasion, when asked by a medical friend what physician and apothecary he employed, to be alwa...
A LAIRD'S eldest son was rather a simpleton. Laird says, I am going to send the young laird abroad.--What for? asks the tenant. Laird answered, To see the world. Tenant replied, Bu...
MR. MOORE having been long under a prosecution in Doctors' Commons, his proctor called on him one day whilst he was composing the tragedy of The Gamester. The proctor having sat do...
MRS. POWELL the actress was at a court of assize when a young barrister, who rose to make his maiden speech, suddenly stopped short and could not proceed. The lady, feeling for his...
A FASHIONABLE Irish gentleman, driving a good deal about Cheltenham, was observed to have the not very graceful habit of lolling his tongue out as he went along. Curran, who was th...
THE Earl of Lonsdale was so extensive a proprietor, and patron of boroughs, that he returned nine members to Parliament, who were facetiously called Lord Lonsdale's ninepins. One o...
A RECRUITING serjeant addressing an honest country bumpkin with,--Come, my lad, thou'lt fight for thy King, won't thou?--Voight for my King, answered Hodge, why, has he fawn out wi...
THIS gentleman, travelling in a stage-coach, was interrupted by the frequent impertinence of a companion, who was constantly teazing him with questions and asking him how he did. H...
WALKING to his club one evening with a friend, some intoxicated young gentleman reeled up to Douglas Jerrold, and said: Can you tell us the way to the 'Judge and Jury?' (a place of...
I WONDER if Brougham thinks as much as he talks, Said a punster perusing a trial; I vow, since his lordship was made Baron Vaux, He's been Vaux et praeterea nihil.
LORD DERBY once said that Ireland was positively worse than it is represented. That's intended, said A'Beckett, as a sinister insult to the members who represent that wretched coun...
MORROW'S Library is the Mudie of Dublin; and the Rev. Mr. Day, a popular preacher. How inconsistent, said Archbishop Whately, is the piety of certain ladies here. They go to Day fo...
AS a west-country mayor, with formal address, Was making his speech to the haughty Queen Bess, The Spaniard, quoth he, with inveterate spleen, Has presumed to attack you, a poor vi...
MOTHER, this book tells about the angry waves of the ocean. Now, what makes the ocean get angry?--Because it has been crossed so often, my son.
FOOTE was once asked, why learned men are to be found in rich men's houses, and rich men never to be seen in those of the learned. Why, said he, the first know what they want, but...
A LUNATIC in Bedlam was asked how he came there? He answered, By a dispute.--What dispute? The bedlamite replied, The world said I was mad; I said the world was mad, and they outwi...
A LADY said to her husband, in Jerrold's presence:-- My dear, you certainly want some new trousers.--No, I think not, replied the husband. Well, Jerrold interposed, I think the lad...
AN Englishman paying an Irish shoeblack with rudeness, the dirty urchin said, My honey, all the polish you have is upon your boots and I gave you that.
A MAD Quaker (wrote Sydney Smith) belongs to a small and rich sect; and is, therefore, of greater importance than any other mad person of the same degree in life.
A BOASTING fellow was asked, Pray, sir, what may your business be?--O, replied the boaster, I am but a cork-cutter: but then it is in a very large way!--Indeed! replied the other;...
THE surgeon of an English ship of war used to prescribe salt water for his patients in all disorders. Having sailed one evening on a party of pleasure, he happened by some mischanc...
THE ferryman, whilst plying over a water which was only slightly agitated, was asked by a timid lady in his boat, whether any persons were ever lost in that river. O no, said he, w...
THE British empire, sir, exclaimed an orator, is one on which the sun never sets.--And one, replied an auditor, in which the tax-gatherer never goes to bed.
TO hear Dash by the hour blunder forth his vile prose, Job himself scarcely patience could keep; He's so dull that each moment we're ready to doze, Yet so noisy we can't go to slee...
A GENTLEMAN having his hair cut, was asked by the garrulous operator how he would have it done?--If possible, replied the gentleman, in silence.
ELWES, the noted miser, used to say, If you keep one servant, your work is done; if you keep two, it is half done; and if you keep three, you may do it yourself.