If eyes were made for seeing, Then beauty is its own excuse for being. --Emerson. A thing of beauty is a joy forever; Its loveliness increases; it will never Pass into nothingness;...
The proverb, "Where there's a will there's a way" is now revised to "When there's a bill we're away." YOUNG DOCTOR--"Why do you always ask your patients what they have for dinner?"...
A mysterious building had been erected on the outskirts of a small town. It was shrouded in mystery. All that was known about it was that it was a chemical laboratory. An old farme...
A Newport man who was invited to a house party at Bar Harbor, telegraphed to the hostess: "Regret I can't come. Lie follows by post." After the death of Lord Houghton, there was fo...
A revival was being held at a small colored Baptist church in southern Georgia. At one of the meetings the evangelist, after an earnest but fruitless exhortation, requested all of...
He who goes to bed, and goes to bed sober, Falls as the leaves do, and dies in October; But he who goes to bed, and does so mellow, Lives as he ought to, and dies a good fellow. --...
Theodore Watts, says Charles Rowley in his book "Fifty Years of Work Without Wages," tells a good story against himself. A nature enthusiast, he was climbing Snowdon, and overtook...
"Sadie, what is a gentleman?" "Please, ma'am," she answered, "a gentleman's a man you don't know very well." Two characters in Jeffery Farnol's "Amateur Gentleman" give these defin...
"The trouble is," said Wilkins as he talked the matter over with his counsel, "that in the excitement of the moment I admitted that I had been going too fast, and wasn't paying any...
Happy are we met, Happy have we been, Happy may we part, and Happy meet again. A dear old citizen went to the cars the other day to see his daughter off on a journey. Securing her...
Governor Glasscock of West Virginia, while traveling through Arizona, noticed the dry, dusty appearance of the country. "Doesn't it ever rain around here?" he asked one of the nati...
VISITOR--"What became of that other windmill that was here last year?" NATIVE--"There was only enough wind for one, so we took it down." Whichever way the wind doth blow Some heart...
"Would you mind tooting your factory whistle a little?" "What for?" "For my father over yonder in the park. He's a trifle deaf and he hasn't heard a robin this summer."
Many a man creates his own lack of opportunities.--_Life_. Who seeks, and will not take when once 'tis offer'd, Shall never find it more. --_Shakespeare_. In life's small things be...
"Are you first in anything at school, Earlie?" "First out of the building when the bell rings." The head of a large business house bought a number of those "Do it now" signs and hu...
_See_ Suffragettes.
There was an old sculptor named Phidias, Whose knowledge of Art was invidious. He carved Aphrodite Without any nightie-- Which startled the purely fastidious. --_Gilbert K. Chester...
WILLIE--"Paw, what is the middle class?" PAW--"The middle class consists of people who are not poor enough to accept charity and not rich enough to donate anything."
John Fiske, the historian, was once interrupted by his wife, who complained that their son had been very disrespectful to some neighbors. Mr. Fiske called the youngster into his st...
After the death of Andrew Jackson the following conversation is said to have occurred between an Anti-Jackson broker and a Democratic merchant: MERCHANT (_with a sigh_)--"Well, the...
One eastern railroad has a regular form for reporting accidents to animals on its right of way. Recently a track foreman had the killing of a cow to report. In answer to the questi...
A judge, disgusted with a jury that seemed unable to reach an agreement in a perfectly evident case, rose and said, "I discharge this jury." One sensitive talesman, indignant at wh...
A farmer, according to this definition, is a man who makes his money on the farm and spends it in town. An agriculturist is a man who makes his money in town and spends it on the f...
Said an envious, erudite ermine: "There's one thing I cannot determine: When a man wears my coat, He's a person of note, While I'm but a species of vermin!"
A man went into a southern restaurant not long ago and asked for a piece of old-fashioned Washington pie. The waiter, not understanding and yet unwilling to concede his lack of kno...
_See_ Windfalls.
The children had been reminded that they must not appear at school the following week without their application blanks properly filled out as to names of parents, addresses, dates...
A man was telling some friends about a proposed fishing trip to a lake in Colorado which he had in contemplation. "Are there any trout out there?" asked one friend. "Thousands of '...
A certain theatrical troupe, after a dreary and unsuccessful tour, finally arrived in a small New Jersey town. That night, though there was no furore or general uprising of the aud...
Home is a place where you can take off your new shoes and put on your old manners. Who hath not met with home-made bread, A heavy compound of putty and lead-- And home-made wines t...