ONE of the Kembles made his first appearance on the stage as an opera singer. His voice was, however, so bad, that at a rehearsal the conductor of the orchestra called out, Mr. Kem...
GEORGE SELWYN, happening to be at Bath when it was nearly empty, was induced, for the mere purpose of killing time, to cultivate the acquaintance of an elderly gentleman he was in...
(On Lord E--nb----h's pericranium.) LET none because of its abundant locks, Deceive themselves by thinking for a minute, That dandy E--nb----h's knowledge-box Has anything worth la...
A CRITIC one day talked to Jerrold about the humor of a celebrated novelist, dramatist, and poet, who was certainly no humorist. Humor! exclaimed Jerrold, why he sweats at a joke,...
BURKE once mentioned to Fox that he had written a tragedy. Did you let Garrick see it? inquired his friend: No, replied Burke; though I had the folly to write it, I had the wit to...
A GENTLEMAN, who was dining with another, praised the meat very much, and inquired who was his butcher. His name is Addison.--Addison! echoed the guest; pray is he any relation to...
WHEN by a jury one is tried, Twelve of his equals are implied; Then W---- might attempt in vain, This sacred privilege to obtain. Since human nature ne'er on earth Gave to twelve e...
A SOLDIER, having retired from service, thought to raise a few pounds by writing his adventures. Having completed the manuscript, he offered it to a bookseller for forty pounds. It...
A NOBLEMAN had a house-porter who was an enormous eater. Frank, said he, one day, tell me how many loins you could eat? Ah, my lord, as for loins, not many; five or six at most.--A...
A MEAN fellow, thinking to get an opinion of his health gratis, asked a medical acquaintance what he should take for such a complaint? I'll tell you, said the doctor, sarcastically...
BURKE said of Lord Thurlow, He was a sturdy oak at Westminster, and a willow at St James's.
THE beautiful Lady Coventry was exhibiting to Selwyn a splendid new dress, covered with large silver spangles, the size of a shilling, and inquired of him whether he admired her ta...
A COMMON-COUNCILMAN'S lady paying her daughter a visit at school, and inquiring what progress she had made in her education, the governess answered, pretty good, madam, she is very...
A SEXTON in Salisbury Cathedral was telling Charles Lamb that eight people had dined at the pointed top of the spire; upon which Lamb remarked that they must have been very sharp s...
HAIL, charming power of self-opinion! For none are slaves in thy dominion; Secure in thee, the mind's at ease, The vain have only one to please.
WHEN Julia was asked, if to church she would go, The fair one replied to me, No, Richard, no. At her meaning I ventured a pretty good guess, For from grammar I learned No and No st...
ONE evening, a lady said to a small wit, Come, Mr. ----, tell us a lively anecdote, and the poor fellow was mute during the remainder of the evening. Favor me with your company on...
(On the column to the Duke of York's memory.) IN former times the illustrious dead were burned, Their hearts preserved in sepulchre inurned; This column, then, commemorates the par...
I REMEMBER, says Lord Biden, Mr. Justice Gould trying a case at York, and when he had proceeded for about two hours, he observed, 'Here are only eleven jurymen in the box, where is...
ACCIDENT, WITH ITS BACK TO ENGLAND. UPON its lofty column's stand Napoleon takes his place: His back still turned upon that land That never saw his face.
SIR THOMAS COULSON being present with a friend at the burning of Drury Lane Theatre, and observing several engines hastening to the spot where the fire had been extinguished, remar...
ONE communion Sabbath, the precentor observed the noble family of ---- approaching the tables, and likely to be kept out by those pressing in before them. Being very zealous for th...
A SHOPKEEPER, who had stuck up a notice in glaring capitals, Selling off! Must close on Saturday! was asked by a friend, What! are you selling off?--Yes, all the shopkeepers are se...
A WOMAN having fallen into a river, her husband went to look for her, proceeding up the stream from the place where she fell in. The bystanders asked him if he was mad,--she could...
IN the course of an examination for the degree of B.A. in the Senate House, Cambridge, under an examiner whose name was Payne, one of the questions was, Give a definition of happin...
SOME unlucky lads in the University bearing a spite to the dean for his severity towards them, went secretly one night and daubed the rails of his staircase with tar. The dean comi...
THE Irish girl told her forbidden lover she was longing to possess his portrait, and intended to obtain it. But how if your friends see it? inquired he. Ah, but I'll tell the artis...
AN Irish crier at Ballinasloe being ordered to clear the court, did so by this announcement: Now, then, all ye blackguards that isn't lawyers, must lave the coort. DLI--SCOTCH CAUT...
HARRY ERSKINE made a neat remark to Walter Scott after he got his Clerkship of Session. The scheme to bestow it on him had been begun by the Tories, but (most honorably) was comple...