THOMSON, the author of the Seasons, was wonderfully indolent. A friend entered his room, and finding him in bed, although the day was far spent, asked him why he did not get up. Ma...
A COUNTRY schoolmaster had two pupils, to one of whom he was partial, and to the other severe. One morning it happened that these two boys were late, and were called up to account...
A WATCH lost in a tavern! That's a crime; Then see how men by drinking lose their time. The watch kept time; and if time will away, I see no reason why the watch should stay. You s...
AT ten, a child; at twenty, wild; At thirty, tame, if ever; At forty, wise; at fifty, rich; At sixty, good, or never!
A VERY dull play was talked of, and one attempted a defence by saying, It was not hissed.--True, said another; no one can hiss and gape at the same time.
AN Irish lawyer, famed for cross-examining, was, on one occasion, completely silenced by a horse-dealer. Pray, Mr. ----, you belong to a very honest profession?--I can't say so, re...
(On the oiled and perfumed ringlets of a certain Lord.) OF miracles this is sans doute the most rare, I ever perceived, heard reported, or read; A man with abundance of scents in h...
MR. ROGERS was requested by Lady Holland to ask Sir Philip Francis whether he was the author of Junius. The poet approached the knight, Will you, Sir Philip,--will your kindness ex...
A GENTLEMAN asked a friend, in a very knowing manner, Pray, did you ever see a cat-fish?--No, was the response, but I've seen a rope-walk.
A GENTLEMAN, praising the personal charms of a very plain woman in the presence of Foote, the latter said: And why don't you lay claim to such an accomplished beauty?--What right h...
WHEN we heard ---- say a thing of some acidity the other night in the House of Commons, the honorable member reminded us of a calf's head with
IT being reported that Lady Caroline Lamb had, in a moment of passion, knocked down one of her pages with a stool, the poet Moore, to whom this was told by Lord Strangford, observe...
A DRUNKEN witness leaving the box, blurted out, My Lord, I never cared for anything but women and horseflesh! Mr. Justice Maule: Oh, you never cared for anything but women and hors...
DR. A----, when dangerously ill at an hotel, was applied to by the landlord to pass his bill. The doctor, observing that all the charges were very high, wrote at the bottom of the...
(Suggested by hearing a debate in the House of Commons.) TO wonder now at Balaam's ass were weak; Is there a night that asses do not speak?
DOCTOR GARTH, who used frequently to go to the Wit's Coffee House, the Cocoa-Tree, in St. James's Street, was sitting there one morning conversing with two persons of rank, when Ro...
SAYS Kemble to Lewis, Pray what is your play? Cries Lewis to Kemble, The Lie of the Day! Say you so? replied Kemble; why, we act the same; But to cozen the town we adopt a new name...
TWO gentlemen standing together, as a young lady passed by them, one said, There goes the handsomest woman you ever saw. She turned back, and, seeing him very ugly, said, I wish I...
SIR GODFREY KNELLER and Dr. Ratcliffe lived next door to each other, and were extremely intimate. Kneller had a very fine garden, and as the doctor was fond of flowers, he permitte...
A POET was once walking with T----, in the street, reciting some of his verses. T---- perceiving, at a short distance, a man yawning, pointed him out to the poet, saying, Not so lo...
AN attorney on being called to account for having acted unprofessionally in taking less than the usual fees from his client, pleaded that he had taken all the man had. He was there...
A WELL-KNOWN lawyer, Mr. Marryatt, who declared he had never opened any book after he left school but a law book, once told a jury, when speaking of a chimney on fire: Gentlemen, t...
WHEN Boswell was first introduced to Dr. Johnson, he apologized to him for being a Scotchman. I find, said he, that I am come to London at a bad time, when great popular prejudice...
PRAY, does it always rain in this hanged place, Enough to drive one mad, heaven knows? No, please your grace, Cried Boniface, With some grimace, Sometimes it snows.
SOME persons can neither stir hand nor foot without making it clear they are thinking of themselves, and laying little traps for
WHIG and Tory scratch and bite, Just as hungry dogs we see; Toss a bone 'twixt two, they fight; Throw a couple, they agree.
A LITTLE boy one day came running home, and said, O father, I've just seen the blackest man that ever was!--How black was he, my son?--O, he was as black as black can be! why, fath...
JEMMY GORDON, the well-known writer of many a theme and declamation for varmint-men, alias non-reading Cantabs, having been complimented by an acquaintance on the result of one of...
ONE afternoon, when Jerrold was in his garden at Putney, enjoying a glass of claret, a friend called upon him. The conversation ran on a certain dull fellow, whose wealth made him...
DURING the riots of 1780, most persons in London, in order to save their houses from being burnt or pulled down, wrote on their doors, No Popery! Old Grimaldi, the father of the ce...