The more questions a woman asks the fewer answers she remembers.--_Wasp_. It was a very hot day and the fat drummer who wanted the twelve-twenty train got through the gate at just...
A bird dog belonging to a man in Mulvane disappeared last week. The owner put this "ad" in the paper and insisted that it be printed exactly as he wrote it: LOST OR RUN AWAY--One l...
A flea and a fly in a flue, Were imprisoned; now what could they do? Said the fly, "let us flee." "Let us fly," said the flea, And they flew through a flaw in the flue. The impress...
"Don't you think the coal-mines ought to be controlled by the government?" "I might if I didn't know who controlled the government."--_Life_.
WIFE (complainingly)--"You never praise me up to any one." HUB--"I don't, eh! You should hear me describe you at the intelligence office when I'm trying to hire a cook." "What sort...
A tale is told of a Kansas minister, a great precisionist in the use of words, whose exactness sometimes destroyed the force of what he was saying. On one occasion, in the course o...
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more aggraviting than if you spoke right out at once. A man had for years employed a steady German workman....
One day when old Thaddeus Stevens was practicing in the courts he didn't like the ruling of the presiding Judge. A second time when the Judge ruled against "old Thad," the old man...
Why not have an illuminated sign on the statue of Liberty saying, "America expects every man to pay his duty?"--_Kent Packard_.
At a dinner, when the gentlemen retired to the smoking room and one of the guests, a Japanese, remained with the ladies, one asked him: "Aren't you going to join the gentlemen, Mr....
_See_ Husbands.
A tourist from the east, visiting an old prospector in his lonely cabin in the hills, commented: "And yet you seem so cheerful and happy." "Yes," replied the one of the pick and sh...
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--"Johnny, what is the text from Judges?" JOHNNY-"I don't believe in recalling the judiciary, mum." "Senator, why don't you unpack your trunk? You'll be in Was...
An ill wind that blows nobody good.
A boy stood with one foot on the sidewalk and the other on the step of a Ford automobile. A playmate passed him, looked at his position, then sang out: "Hey, Bobbie, have you lost...
The Governor of Maine was at the school and was telling the pupils what the people of different states were called. "Now," he said, "the people from Indiana are called 'Hoosiers';...
"How about that airship?" "It went up in smoke." "Burned, eh?" "Oh, no. Made an ascension at Pittsburg." SKYBOUGH--"Why have you put that vacuum cleaner in front of your airship?"...
When Ex-President Taft was on his transcontinental tour, American flags and Taft pictures were in evidence everywhere. Usually the Taft pictures contained a word of welcome under t...
A Yankee just returning to the states was dining with an Englishman, and the latter complained of the mud in America. "Yes," said the American, "but it's nothing to the mud over he...
The farmer's mule had just balked in the road when the country doctor came by. The farmer asked the physician if he could give him something to start the mule. The doctor said he c...
EDITOR--"Have you submitted this poem anywhere else?" JOKESMITH--"No, sir." EDITOR--"Then where did you get that black eye?"--_Satire_. "Why is it," asked the persistent poetess, "...
One cold, wintry morning a man of tall and angular build was walking down a steep hill at a quick pace. A treacherous piece of ice under the snow caused him to lose control of his...
Hearing the crash of china Dinah's mistress arrived in time to see her favorite coffee-set in pieces. The sight was too much for her mercurial temper. "Dinah," she said, "I cannot...
The ferry-dock was crowded with weary home-goers when through the crowd rushed a man--hot, excited, laden to the chin with bundles of every shape and size. He sprinted down the pie...
There are two sides to every question-the wrong side and our side. "What, Tommy, in the jam again, and you whipped for it only an hour ago!" "Yes'm, but I heard you tell Auntie tha...
TOURIST--"They have just dug up the corner-stone of an ancient library in Greece, on which is inscribed '4000 B.C.'" ENGLISHMAN--"Before Carnegie, I presume."
"But why did you leave your last place?" the lady asked of the would-be cook. "To tell the truth, mum, I just couldn't stand the way the master an' the missus used to quarrel, mum....
An old colored man first joined the Episcopal Church, then the Methodist and next the Baptist, where he remained. Questioned as to the reason for his church travels he responded: "...
A lanky country youth entered the crossroads general store to order some groceries. He was seventeen years old and was passing through that stage of adolescence during which a boy...
A beautiful statuesque blond had left New York to act as stenographer to a dignified Philadelphian of Quaker descent. On the morning of her first appearance she went straight to th...