"What is the meaning of the saying that a man shall earn his bread in the sweat of his brow?" asked a boy in a New York school. "Have you never observed a man working on a warm day...
"She thinks that her husband is very economical." "In what way?" "She says that although he is passionately fond of cloves, he never eats but one at a time."
"Do you believe in transmigration of souls?" "Well," answered the man who never admits that he doesn't know everything, "I wouldn't recommend it as a regular practice."
When the penniless lordling to get a rich wife Of his own nationality fails, He crosses the ocean with heart light and gay And robs the United States males.
"You say his wife's a brunette? I thought he married a blonde." "He did, but she dyed."
Love they say is blind. Well: if so marriage must be an eye-opener.
A sporty young fellow named Phipps Last night went to view the eclipse. The moon looked so queer. He set up a cheer, The truth was he'd been taking nips.
He called her an angel before they were wed, But that, alas! didn't endure. For ere many months had passed over his head, He wished that she was one for sure.
"The man who was run over by the cars the other day, is now out of danger." "That's good." "He died this morning."
"Some men are easily satisfied," remarked the Observer of Events and Things. "There is the clock-maker, for instance, he never gets any extra pay, and yet every day he works overti...
"What was the subject of your debate this evening?" "Whisky." "Was it well discussed?" "Yes, most of the members were full of the subject."
HE--"Yes, she is living under an assumed name." SHE--"Horrible! What is it?" HE--"The one she assumed immediately after her husband married her!"
GEORGE--I can't understand why my girl shook me. HAROLD--What was that you wrote to her the last time? GEORGE--All that I said was, "My Dear Susie: The dog I promised you has just...
The weary desert stretched for miles. Stretched for sheer weariness. Not a drop of water was in sight. Then it was that the traveler had an inspiration. He wrung his hands.
A man with the heart disease is about the only chap who desires a "regular beat" for a bosom friend.
Letters from, a soldier of fortune--I.O.U.
"Only the highest element in local society was invited to the ball." "Oh, I see! It was a high-ball."
"My friend," said the long-coated old man, solemnly, "have you made preparation for the day of judgment?" "Sir," replied the young man, "that's how I make my living." "Young man!"...
"So you paid $1,000 for a cook stove! Don't you think that was a good deal?" "Yes, but they threw in a cook with it: she was warranted to stay two years!"
"I assured her I could support her in the style she was accustomed to." "Well?" "She said she was looking for something better than that."
"If a guest at a restaurant ordered a lobster and ate it, and another guest did the same, what would the latter's telephone number be?" It would be "8-1-2."
"There's a young woman who makes little things count." "How does she do it?" "Teaches arithmetic in a primary school."
"What have you got to say for yourself?" "Jes dis, suh; I wants a liar to defend me." "You mean a lawyer?" "Yes, suh; I knowed I most had it!"
MEDIUM--Do you believe in spirits? BUSYMAN (off guard)--When taken in moderation, yes.
HE--"The fact is, you women make fools of the men." SHE--"Sometimes, perhaps; but sometimes we don't have to."
I asked a young lady living on her pa's farm what they did with all their fruit? Says she: "We eat all we can and can all we can't."
WEEKS--Well, how are things over in Boston? Have they named any new pie "Aristotle" yet? WENTMAN--No-o. But I heard a man there ask for a Plato soup.
An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era, went out on a lark. He didn't get home, till 3 o'clock in the morning, and was barely in the house before a nurse rushed...
JOHN--I went into a restaurant to-day. The lemon pie that I had was a peach. TOM--That's nothing, I went into a saloon and had no money, so I let the beer settle.
It was the morning after, and he wanted a small favor. "I admit that I am temporarily hard up," he said, "but that's because I can't realize." "Can't realize on what?" "On my thirs...