A MAN with a very short nose was continually ridiculing another, whose nose was remarkably long. The latter said to him one day, You are always making observations upon my nose; pe...
LE SAGE, the author of Gil Blas, said, to console himself for his deafness, with his usual humor, When I go into a company where I find a great number of blockheads and babblers, I...
A VERY excellent lady was desired by another to teach her what secrets she had to preserve her husband's favor. It is, replied she, by doing all that pleases him, and by enduring p...
WHEN Jeremy Taylor was introduced to the Archbishop of Canterbury, he was told by the prelate, that his extreme youth was a bar to his present employment. If your grace, replied Ta...
HENRY ERSKINE happening to be retained for a client of the name of Tickle, began his speech in opening the case, thus: Tickle, my client, the defendant, my lord,--and upon proceedi...
THE Duke of C--mb--l--d has taken from this country a thing which not one person in it will grudge: of course we are understood at once to mean
WHAT two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? what event more awfully important to an English colony, than the erection of its first brewhouse?--S.S.
A LAIRD OF LOGAN sold a horse to an Englishman, saying, You buy him as you see him; but he's an honest beast. The purchaser took him home. In a few days he stumbled and fell, to th...
LORD MANSFIELD used to remark that a lawyer could do nothing without his fee. This is proved by the following fact: Sir Anthony Malone, some years ago Attorney-General of Ireland,...
ONE of the judges of the King's Bench, in an argument on the construction of a will, sagely declared, It appeared to him that the testator meant to keep a life-interest in the esta...
MATHEWS, whose powers in conversation and whose flow of anecdote in private life transcended even his public efforts, told a variety of tales of the Kingswood colliers (Kingswood i...
WHEN a very eminent special pleader was asked by a country gentleman if he considered that his son was likely to succeed as a special pleader, he replied, Pray, sir, can your son e...
A RUNAWAY couple were married at Gretna Green. The smith demanded five guineas for his services. How is this? said the bridegroom, the gentleman you last married assured me that he...
VILLIERS, Duke of Buckingham, was making his complaint to Sir John Cutler, a rich miser, of the disorder of his affairs, and asked him what he should do to avoid the ruin. Live as...
ONE of Mrs. Montague's blue-stocking ladies fastened upon Foote, at one of the routs in Portman Square, with her views of Locke On the Understanding, which she protested she admire...
A CONCEITED young man asked Foote what apology he should make for not being one of a party the day before, to which he had been invited. O, my dear sir, replied the wit, say nothin...
A CUNNING juryman addressed the clerk of the court when administering the oath, saying, Speak up; I cannot hear what you say.--Stop; are
THE sloth, in its wild state, spends its life in trees, and never leaves them but from force or accident. The eagle to the sky, the mole to the ground, the sloth to the tree; but w...
JOHN HORNE TOOKE'S opinion upon the subject of law was admirable. Law, he said, ought to be, not a luxury for the rich, but a remedy, to be easily, cheaply, and speedily obtained b...
DR. ALDRICH, of convivial memory, said there were five reasons for drinking:-- Good wine, a friend, or being dry, Or lest you should be by and by, Or any other reason why.
HORACE WALPOLE, on one occasion observed that there had existed the same indecision, irresolution, and want of system in the politics of Queen Anne, as at the time he spoke, under...
A GENTLEMAN, speaking of the happiness of the married state before his daughter, disparagingly said, She who marries, does well; but she who does not marry, does better.--Well then...
HOW does your new-purchased horse answer? said the late Duke of Cumberland to George Selwyn. I really don't know, replied George, for I never asked him a question.
LONGFELLOW, the poet, was introduced to one Longworth, and some one noticed the similarity of the first syllable of the names. Yes, said the poet, but in this case I fear Pope's li...
A COXCOMB, teasing Dr. Parr with an account of his petty ailments, complained that he could never go out without catching cold in his head. No wonder, returned the doctor; you alwa...
A SAILOR meeting an old acquaintance, whom the world had frowned upon a little, asked him where he lived? Where I live, said he, I don't know; but I starve towards Wapping, and tha...
A STUPID fellow employed in blowing a cathedral organ, said after the performance of a fine anthem, I think we performed very well to-day.--We performed! answered the organist; I t...
COUNSELLOR M----T, after he retired from practice, being one day in company where the uncertainty of the law became the topic of conversation, was applied to for his opinion, upon...
AT the time of expected invasion at the beginning of the century, some of the town magistrates called upon an old maiden lady of Montrose, and solicited her subscription to raise m...
A SPENDTHRIFT being sold up, Foote, who attended every day, bought nothing but a pillow; on which a gentleman asked him, What particular use he could have for a single pillow?--Why...